23 May 2017 | Last updated 09:19 AM

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Fight fair!
Robert Clements | Sunday, 14 May 2017 AT 10:46 AM IST
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Most of us have been led to believe, quarrelling methods had changed from medieval times to now. Centuries ago, a wife who dared speak against her husband found herself under the hangman’s noose. “But I was only telling you your horse was lame!” she cries as the rope is adjusted round her neck. “You should have whispered in my ear my dear, and not allowed the horse to hear!” thunders her husband as he signals the hangman to go ahead.

Times have changed, and rules have been formulated to see petty marital skirmishes and serious ones too are fought fair, though sometimes it ain’t so and couples need to know where to draw the line. Here are some rules that could help:

Rule One: Never speak about some weakness of your spouse, anything, which she or he confided in you, in your intimate moments. “Ho! Ho! Ho!” laughs the wife in a fight, “You did tell me you drank from a feeding bottle till you were fifteen, that explains your love for booze! You can’t give up your love for the bottle!”

Beware, the hangman’s noose beckons if you say such a thing!

“I’ll tell your friends you snore worse than a bullhorn!” sniggers hubby, and it’s just a matter of days before he finds himself beheaded in front of his friends!

Fight fair, though lately the rules or no rules of terrorism, will tell you that there is no fairness in a killing, but then we are not talking about terrorism, or are we?

I wonder, when a couple fights unfair, if it is soft terrorism at work?

“He can’t hold his drinks, nor can he hold anything up!” quips the wife and there are shock waves in the room and sniggers from his buddies.

That’s terrorism at work, and the only thing left when husbands and wives fight like this is to part ways, or go to a counsellor, who teaches them to fight fair. Counsellors and psychologists are used to counsel their clients and teach husbands and wives to fight the right way. ­

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